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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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& f: c% S0 }. f3 H8 h( c- X, }5 A1 k  bike and asked for forgiveness.1 o! m, I' {$ D: c% b

- b3 K4 u/ Z4 `, E  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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8 d3 [& `2 b& B" Q8 Y  辆然后求上帝宽恕。# x0 D& ~+ b) ^" F" L& D* I$ {

/ v& M" R2 Q# b8 K% _1 U9 y5 I  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a# T, ]& h1 s4 [' l, o4 X
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.1 y7 E9 n( a0 m. C- a
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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! g; u) A3 b5 d( b( f  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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+ G+ r6 a" [1 R/ X4 x) {. w  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。# s  ^# S8 N' i% k4 {
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。  ?3 @! ]- _( f1 ]# u0 g

. V+ |0 T/ `, W$ ]  `  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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. H; T' k8 x- Y  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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" H  f/ o; u$ G! L3 F& J  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!4 X4 X. g$ B+ k
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。7 i3 A8 ]1 ?, T% x: D7 V
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.0 x* I+ T  t4 M8 g9 L# ?# {

, {! t( h6 H& e  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd# l" U' {4 L, x7 m

) n4 y0 i7 c. c  \  better have a good hand.
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) j) B6 s: Q9 f# C& e+ ^5 x4 P  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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$ W( Z% j* O2 N( J8 N2 Y! x  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca4 C6 w) z! A3 j7 E8 P. F
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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* [0 l8 V& K/ m* |2 ?  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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! q) Q/ `, P. F( B2 a  还是很有喜感。3 R2 ^5 ?: E2 ^+ e0 {7 n
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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$ ?. V* e" P: r% H7 [  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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8 H; z* M6 \9 B0 H2 M/ d  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!1 o% m4 M5 i( F, {5 f1 `
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left., w( [3 i4 W0 x8 E2 M
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship% K( k( S* v, H4 _- V
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!2 w$ q& `! n: A3 S; g2 E9 P# F% {' ]

( u) n$ a; G3 V3 e9 B# ?7 ~: B( W- A  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。% ?: ^( X2 a8 V0 A0 s! F
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.. s3 e" q# \0 A

$ x* O% o0 h7 Q0 n# Q  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。+ s' l3 A2 a# u& w

# T+ }9 U9 r% C( b  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio- }0 U% J" Z1 i4 |0 R; e

, O( H' ]2 d, T7 w, i. }: D8 n  n, make him a sandwich.7 z$ j9 \  @8 S3 ~- y
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt( _; [  l7 z; Y; n! ~- t* j
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  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...& Z, i6 F7 p0 E2 h

( p0 @( K6 E! I! }  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。' ~. i% B4 ?- K: i) z+ a; \8 x  `; t8 y

7 x% ^, \" Q7 d0 F3 A' o0 |& e  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.! @7 h. X& |- A3 N" m/ j

9 K9 _$ p+ o5 p& }4 [7 N  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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) m* I; _9 e$ x1 w2 ~% o2 K1 G  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment& U. `4 V: j  L1 j
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  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.; m* I0 q* ~7 v
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...! h- u; ^0 B5 h7 B; v" X

3 B0 q- J9 r3 h& A. |* f  B4 n( q1 Z  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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/ d' j. F% p( @$ X' D% [+ z& v  tell you why it isn't.
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9 I& }% Q9 w( ^: ~  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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# S4 D& ], b7 z/ g4 {  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科5 N. ~2 J8 K; V: @
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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- u1 d8 h# e$ a5 i; }" y* s  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?/ k* r1 ~0 h1 y/ l( I! j
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr. h8 E) k2 p" p6 p% c/ o) E: _1 p
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  uit salad.% k0 h% z! V) T1 d5 V  f" R
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个: D+ U. X+ j) p0 G- {

# y4 _2 l& G8 E& ^2 W& q  篮子。+ J+ n" S$ N- P) a$ ?9 p/ ^! e6 I
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"' c. m+ s/ R. ^1 V

& R/ i) f: s. o! ~  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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; z  i$ i- r  o* G& u  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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0 j; G1 V5 X# R& z! g4 w3 P  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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* e3 n0 b* D, @  j) }  same night.7 r2 T' l; u0 O: E' I0 r
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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! r. t/ J( S6 Z( b  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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9 v% c, P/ I1 c9 D, `  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops4 n4 R* L4 O  y9 M
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…! X) s' ]- {5 P' a: ^

7 x, A. ^' @- \. |/ |  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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4 o; S. T7 w/ U7 x. V  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。. S, t) O* b6 Y

1 E- u1 j9 c2 A  Y1 L- e1 L. q  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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, \, Y  D( J3 U! b. Z0 J5 g  m fish?
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5 [, O9 E/ b  j; H7 V0 A$ \  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃1 I/ N0 i/ I4 i: Q
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  了。7 w6 f1 U& n4 s) R' F+ \) e
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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: o5 X4 X6 s$ e! ?0 q4 K& E1 R; U  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!0 V9 S2 y8 U8 B# `3 w

, ]% l4 G# S& _: y' e! ^  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan* _% w6 W5 ^. s# |- i- V

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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk* o8 M" u3 G4 e  k4 e, k! @# T

+ `* i$ s- g( A9 ~, m( b/ D6 U  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-1 I  o& d2 A, }" X5 H6 |; f* Q) Z

9 _, P2 i% Y/ ]' [5 P3 ~" F9 L  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。3 [, q. J; g5 y8 o+ {) j% l
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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, {5 X) T# P7 c' z/ O  t check when you say the paint is wet?4 \1 |% P  l: C; W0 q0 ^

  ?, E' _7 v# f) O  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al( d5 D0 ?+ e  N( ~- x+ s

4 X: |: a2 G2 g  l% e/ E6 y1 }  l doubt.# g- c1 w: t: K/ A, Q2 ^

9 f3 R3 R& q, t5 s( N! W  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。/ d4 Z+ m8 d% e8 q/ t
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。6 @: }& U- r; m+ r5 f- u
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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) ~/ t3 n1 e$ Y2 y, Z% q7 v$ t  t need it.
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方3 ?% w( s# p4 i0 f) j& E* ?
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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6 U& T1 k: U7 g2 X7 B; E9 r  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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' ~% A' E& d) w  l3 J  {) l) F/ R  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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" H* z7 [8 N+ m4 f' j/ h4 `* |  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫3 E/ R8 A! D7 E2 t

- p  y( a( M* ?% ~% v' g  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.3 ~7 h& S" M  t( q

9 w0 x' v( e3 e0 a* T; Y6 o1 `. p) C3 y  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?6 S( b( m( G! Z" Y' P

: E# S0 N+ {& }! \  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装4 W" U! B/ A/ e, ^9 @. _/ }

7 G+ f! Y1 }3 a8 S; F  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.1 N5 x3 B! I5 U: l" J; z
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  o# l6 t/ O! O/ E0 y4 m  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等/ {2 [% y1 O# s: X7 V4 d
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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' G9 q( e" ~, ]9 v( e! Z# n# X# \  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。9 \7 a# b! z  I3 A6 R$ {
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi) t8 ]+ _7 ^# v3 S# T) K! E
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  rls live.! e  v) ~/ B" [) h. W( U8 N! S4 ~" U1 k

6 P8 `* O0 |7 D  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!' S" M& b9 y6 [% E

! |; J4 n( r( B0 J9 n  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear9 t& |% D0 l  e, U4 \

; p& h# P: U3 {/ l7 V  ch.
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) q  f$ [; ?: U/ n  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。/ ], x% g& K3 x/ @
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.  }) E" |# O3 w9 F
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.& `  r- o$ A  h0 z5 |

  M8 \8 i& r( P# |" a" z  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨' \/ i' M4 G6 E& v% f, C
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  叫声是一样滴。+ l; S! L( T  A; B6 l" B

3 s7 L8 h, e. `& _6 s  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.; L; X' k! L! a0 [0 ?
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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/ \( C, L' I4 X6 x% V6 m  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。5 r; Z4 f% n3 N6 l7 i3 p/ v

2 h4 N9 g% Q5 c, k5 v1 ?  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.- ]$ n" v6 Z4 F1 F4 k; g
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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9 T; T1 \: L% K$ k) Q' V  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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$ v; v8 M6 e0 t1 M( C0 G$ ~! a% T  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!2 @7 A4 x! J( D! l! Q4 ^

* s) e1 `2 [$ j7 S1 W  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.8 v1 h+ u2 A# ?
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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